HEREIN COMMENCES, WITH NO SMALL DEGREE OF ceremony, the first & inaugural volume of The Sam Hill! Review, being a prodigious assemblage of historical fiction & poetry gathered from various quarters, subjected to the judgment of editors & arranged for the Amusement & Edification of all persons possessed of sufficient curiosity, fortitude & leisure to proceed, it being the settled opinion of the aforementioned editors that the general reader cannot fail to become swept with extraordinary enthusiasm upon discovering therein such wonders as . . .

a one-eyed bear is fought for the thirtieth night — the human odometers of rome convene their union — a feral smile is flashed — a queen’s grief is attended by hound, cat & horse — a scribe is chided for doubting nothing — nothing is given its rules — an oak stands witness at the death of a king — a great black barrel hangs in the sky above the steppes — a composer takes his holiday in spillville, iowa — coffee & pies are offered to sailors — an admiral of the ocean is greatly outdone by a taco — eleven strikes of an axe are delivered — a queen powders over her pockmarks — a tree falls the wrong way — an eventful detour is taken en route to salt lake city — letters go unanswered on pig war island — a church is dug into the hills of vicksburg — a wolf is whistled for — the women of south pass city put an end to the stupidity — a parrot is smothered with chuckaboos — minor chords are played in a vacuous expanse — a unique barrel is constructed — a dude from chicago is thrown by a horse named goofy — a harvest of cabbages is dumped into a ravine — a woman cartwheels down a mountain accompanied by a man who is off his vitamins — a comet appears — matters of interior decoration are weighed by a president — &cetera